Restoration....cont'd
....Continued....
When I got finished rambling, but before popping the question, I asked him, "well, what do you think?" He told me that the reason I "thought" I wanted to marry Jason was so that I could fill the void in my heart that was left from my father's death. He said that as long as he had known me that I had always been searching for a father-figure. He told me that I was dating someone older, because I needed a husband who could also "father" me.
My heart was crushed. It hurt so much to hear the person I had looked at as a father to tell me that I was lost and wandering child looking for a father in this world. The only time I have ever harbored unforgiveness in my heart was against Scott and Becky.
I contacted them once after this incident. I called Becky and asked her if Scott had told her about our talk. She said he told her everything and that she agreed with what he told me. I didn't try to fight them on it. I just took my shattered heart and went back to loving the Lord and continued on the path I had chosen. I don't remember if I invited them to the wedding. Really, I don't think I did.
A few years ago, God started working on the whole unforgiveness thing. PBR came and did a few powerful meetings at our old building in Rushville. I think this was when Dhimitry and Muriel were here. Around that time, either PBR or Jason had preached about unforgiveness and that you if you had unforgiveness in your heart to call that person right away and talk it out. I wanted so bad to show up on Scott and Becky's doorstep, but I just couldn't face them. That same year, I got a Christmas card. It was too late in the year to send them one, so I waited until the next year. Last year, I sent them a Christmas card and got one back. Just a week ago, I got a graduation invitation to Lauren's open house. I won't be able to go to her open house, but I would love to. We are moving next weekend (the same time as the open house). My motivation for getting everything moved as quickly as possible is that maybe, just maybe, I can stop by the open house and congratulate them.
I know that all this probably sounds really silly, but these people were my family. I never really fit in with my own family and these guys took me in. Becky taught me about different cultures. She allowed me to help her in the kitchen. Things that my own mom couldn't do or didn't have time for. Scott and Becky made me feel like I mattered and that spurred me on to become a better person. I haven't even touched on the principles they taught me.
I have been praying and crying out to God for the past two months that He will draw them to our church. They don't have to make our church their home, but I just want them to come and see that my husband is a great man who loves the Lord and his wife and son. I want them to be a part of my life again. I know that it can't be how it used to be, but I would love to just be able to call them friends again. God's working it out. I will be patient and not try to do things outside of his timing. I have forgiven Scott for what he said. Actually, what he did was probably not much different than what my own dad would have done had he been living...not in the same words, but he would have still told me Jason was too old.
When I got finished rambling, but before popping the question, I asked him, "well, what do you think?" He told me that the reason I "thought" I wanted to marry Jason was so that I could fill the void in my heart that was left from my father's death. He said that as long as he had known me that I had always been searching for a father-figure. He told me that I was dating someone older, because I needed a husband who could also "father" me.
My heart was crushed. It hurt so much to hear the person I had looked at as a father to tell me that I was lost and wandering child looking for a father in this world. The only time I have ever harbored unforgiveness in my heart was against Scott and Becky.
I contacted them once after this incident. I called Becky and asked her if Scott had told her about our talk. She said he told her everything and that she agreed with what he told me. I didn't try to fight them on it. I just took my shattered heart and went back to loving the Lord and continued on the path I had chosen. I don't remember if I invited them to the wedding. Really, I don't think I did.
A few years ago, God started working on the whole unforgiveness thing. PBR came and did a few powerful meetings at our old building in Rushville. I think this was when Dhimitry and Muriel were here. Around that time, either PBR or Jason had preached about unforgiveness and that you if you had unforgiveness in your heart to call that person right away and talk it out. I wanted so bad to show up on Scott and Becky's doorstep, but I just couldn't face them. That same year, I got a Christmas card. It was too late in the year to send them one, so I waited until the next year. Last year, I sent them a Christmas card and got one back. Just a week ago, I got a graduation invitation to Lauren's open house. I won't be able to go to her open house, but I would love to. We are moving next weekend (the same time as the open house). My motivation for getting everything moved as quickly as possible is that maybe, just maybe, I can stop by the open house and congratulate them.
I know that all this probably sounds really silly, but these people were my family. I never really fit in with my own family and these guys took me in. Becky taught me about different cultures. She allowed me to help her in the kitchen. Things that my own mom couldn't do or didn't have time for. Scott and Becky made me feel like I mattered and that spurred me on to become a better person. I haven't even touched on the principles they taught me.
I have been praying and crying out to God for the past two months that He will draw them to our church. They don't have to make our church their home, but I just want them to come and see that my husband is a great man who loves the Lord and his wife and son. I want them to be a part of my life again. I know that it can't be how it used to be, but I would love to just be able to call them friends again. God's working it out. I will be patient and not try to do things outside of his timing. I have forgiven Scott for what he said. Actually, what he did was probably not much different than what my own dad would have done had he been living...not in the same words, but he would have still told me Jason was too old.
posted by Nichole at 7:07 AM
1 Comments:
Hey, now I KNOW that Scott was not the only person who said that Jason was too old for you. I thought I had heard someone else say something along those lines, at some point. I can't remember who it was though! Anyway, it looks like we don't always know everything, or understand the heart behind everything. Sometimes we (people in general) speak out of turn, and are way off track. I'm sure that if they saw your family today, they would be humbled by you, and yet proud of you. They sound like a couple of people who just really loved you, and didn't want to see you jump into something without thinking it through completely. I know now that you really did think things through, and if they saw you and Jason, I'm sure they would know that too.
Post a Comment
<< Home