I Guess I'm on a Break

Well, I guess that I have taken a little break from the blog world. I'm not sure how long it will last, but I have so much going on right now.

Here are the highlights:

1. Still hunting for a job.

2. My sister was arrested nearly two weeks ago. Please pray for her. She struggled with chemical depency and was taking an extremely high dosage of oxycontin. She has written letters begging for us to bail her out saying that she has learned her lesson and that she is very depressed. Jason and I wrote back to her last night encouraging her to spend this time to truly focus on God and get to know Him. She said the first thing she wants to do when she gets out is run to the altar and repent and cry at Jesus' feet. I believe that she is exactly where God wants her to be. We can never really receive what God wants from us until we are willing to let our selfish needs go and be filled with only him.

All of this pondering I have been doing while she has been in jail has caused me to have some wonderful ideas. She is physically sitting in jail and God is transforming her into a beautiful woman. Here we are "free" as we call it, but yet we are fettered. At Wednesday night prayer, different people were saying, "we need to stop worrying about what people will think", "we need to know that people aren't going to think bad of us if we go all out for God." It saddened me to hear this, and I could not contain myself and I said, "No, we need to start caring about what God thinks and it should be our goal to please Him alone."

Lord, have mercy on me for I am a sinner. amen.

In Case You Missed It...

Here is a copy of a comment from Jan. I wanted to make sure you all saw it. I checked out this site and it was really cool!

We Three Spences said...
Nichole,
Some time ago I found this site.
It is hymns and the history of them.
Knowing this has made me appreciate these old songs so much more.
I hope you have time to look at it.
Blessings!
Jan


http://cyberhymnal.org

Rush County Visitors

Hey, Rushville is revamping their web site and drawing people to town. Check this out:

www.rushcounty.com

Fun Stuff

The people who called the other night did come to church. They are from Arlington and had tried out the Knightstown church and loved it, but wanted something closer to home. I think PBR sent them our way. (Thanks, PBR.)

Last night I got most of the tiles laid in the backroom. I know that I need to get pictures on here soon, but I'm a workin' woman and I just ain't got the time. :) I am submitting my resume today for the position that God is going to give to me. This is the only position I have seen yet that Jason is 100% supportive of me getting. If anyone who ever stops by this blog needs help writing a cover letter, I am the one you should come to for help. I have done so much research on cover letters that I could probably type one with my eyes closed. Anyhow, I may put one on here for ya'll to critique. I am so excited. I told Jason last night that this place I applied for is where I am going to work. My experience and abilities are exactly what they are looking for, plus I have more to offer them. The best part is that it is in the medical field and within 20 minutes of my house! That would cut off 30-40 minutes of my drive time (ie, less pain at the pump). I'm so excited that I can barely stand the thought of waiting. Well...I better go get in the shower. Have a great day and smile a little. :)

Victory In Jesus

I have been going through a lot of introspection about what I have been missing in my own worship to God. I feel like I haven't really been changing much. I'm not going from glory to glory while worshipping my Lord. I have been desiring to sing some of the old hymns (and no, I did not request that my husband close out worship with Victory in Jesus, but I'm glad that the Spirit of God made Him sing it).

I have been thinking about how the old Scipture songs and hymns caused one to eat the Word and focus on what has been said/done for us and compels us to change. I have decided that the old hymns do a few things for us: establish that we are bankrupt and in need of a Savior, it establishes that Jesus is the answer, by song we are compelled to overcome the need through repentance and by the end of the song we have hope and happiness. Take "Victory in Jesus" for example...

I heard an old, old story, how a Savior came from glory,
How he gave his life on Calvary to save a wretch like me;
And I heard about his groaning, of his precious blood's atoning,
Then I repented of my sins and won the victory.

Refrain:
O victory in Jesus, my Savior forever!
He sought me and bought me
With his redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew him,
And all my love is due him;
He plunged me to victory
Beneath the cleansing flood.

I heard about his healing, of his cleansing blood revealing,
How he made the lame to walk again and caused the blind to see;
And then I cried, "Dear Jesus, come and heal my broken spirit,"
And somehow Jesus came and brought to me the victory.
Refrain.

I heard about a mansion he has built for me in glory,
And I heard about the streets of gold beyond the crystal sea;
About the angels singing and the old redemption story,
And some sweet day I'll sing up there the song of victory.
Refrain.

There is such a change that takes place from uttering those first few words that we have heard an old, old story and within a matter of words we are declaring that we have victory in Jesus. I feel like I have the victory over my flesh today and I am thankful for all that my Lord has done for me. I pray that as I start the week out that I can be mindful of His presence and know that I have the victory.

Hmmm...

Wanna hear something exciting? Jason got a phone call tonight while we were watching a movie. We recognized it as a local number, but we didn't know who it was. He answered and they asked, "what time does service start in the morning?" It looks like we may have some visitors tomorrow. :) It's exciting. We are enjoying the closeness and the family atmosphere that we have now and hope to retain that as we grow. I hope that we have visitors tomorrow. God is doing a new work in the earth and I hope He doesn't forget about Rushville. He's done a lot of work in our Wednesday night prayer meetings. I am ready to see that carry over into the Sunday morning worship.

Oh...I didn't log on here to do a whole post on the possibility that we may have visitors tomorrow. I had lots of other stuff written, but I was afraid of that tongue disease, so I deleted it. Ya'll have a good day tomorrow.

Please Don't Feel Sorry For Me

I just thought that I would tell you all that if you are out there feeling sorry for me...well, you just don't have to. You see, when the ladies of the K-town church did the Believing God study by Beth Moore. I realized that my Lord was with me all those times when I was a child. And I have witnessed His hand in my life. To be quite honest, I think there are a lot of people who have been delt better cards than me, but I came out on top while they are still selling their souls trying to get ahead.

Part of why I am sharing this is to get rid of some of the reproach. I just need to get some of it out in the open. I have much more that I want to share from my past, but that will come in God's timing. I do not feel that I should share that stuff yet. None of what I have blogged so far is remotely related to the biggest work that God has done in me. This is the thing I was referring to regarding the Denny Kramer prophecy and the healing I got at a Wednesday night prayer meeting (maybe a month ago?). I want to share that, just not yet. Please don't feel sorry for me. THe Lord lives and He is my rock. I feel like I am finally getting back to that sincerity that I once had. I long to be sincere in my faith and I long to seek and run after Him. I guess that by stripping off these layers and becoming "naked and unashamed" before you all that I will be able to share more freely with the people that I will come in contact with who could relate to this kind of life. Anyway...I gotta go to bed.

***PLEASE!!! DO NOT FORGET TO PRAY FOR MY SISTER AND HER FAMILY!***

Thanks for the Comments

Thank you to everyone who stopped by the past few days to offer some encouragement. You have no idea how much you have all blessed and humbled me. I know that the Lord has already broken the curses over my life. I pray that He will break them over my sister. I know in whom I have believed and I know that He can do it. I just pray that she will allow Him to do the work that is necessary.


This post is going to be a very serious one. PBR once prophesied over me that I was going to author a book. It was confirmation of what God had already placed in my heart. He said it could be a book on parenting...I think it will be a book about my life. I realized that I did not write about my father yesterday. So today is all about my dad.

I adored my father. He always comforted me and protected me. I always knew that nothing could harm me as long as he was there. But then he did something that made me fear him. One night he lost his temper and beat my mom up. He had never done anything to her before that night. He started hitting her and forced her to the ground. Then he repeatedly kicked her head. I was scared to death that my mom was going to die. My sister and I were scared to death and wanted to race to the door, but dad wouldn't let us go. You know how psychologists say that your mind in self-defense will block out some memories so that you will never again be able to recall them? Well, God has done that for me. I don't remember how my mom ever got out of the house. I don't remember who called the police or what happened to my dad. I cannot remember anything until a full year later when my sister and I were only beginning to have a little trust for my dad. When we finally let the barrier down, I again became his little girl who was absorbed in my daddy. I was young enough to accept his apologies and know that he had changed. We were starting to get back to normal. Mom and Dad got divorced after the fight. It was only as my sister and I were beginning to trust him that He was taken from us.

I cried and cried when my dad passed away and no one tried to comfort me. As the years passed and my mind grew more elite, the memories of that dreadful night returned and I began analyzing and scrutinizing the memories. In my teenage years, I developed anger and resentment toward my dad.

It wasn't until I had been coming to CFC for awhile that God was really able to get through to me. I remember one night PBR had people come forward who were struggling with unforgiveness. That night, I spoke out for the first time that I forgave my father for beatin my mom up. It was a huge block off my shoulder and a weight had been lifted. The healing continued when Dhimitry came and spoke about his own relationship with his dad. My heart was again broken as I realized I had let some pain slip back in. God again revealed the trouble and I was able to accept his grace.

I'm not really sure how to close this post. I love my God and He is the best daddy in the world. PBR gave me a book once by TD Jakes, "Daddy Loves His Girls". I'm not sure what made him give me the book, but it blessed me. I am thankful that God is able to remove boulders from around us. That "though my enemies encamp around me and plot against me" that "I will fear no evil for thou oh, Lord are with me."

Why Me?

I found out some disturbing news tonight that caused me to once again ask God why I was born into my family. I won't share the news that caused me to ask the question, but here are reasons why I wonder:

I have an uncle who is still in the closet (gay), but his boyfriend is someone who would have graduated in my class (had he graduated). This is a 20-yr age difference between the two.

My family is some of the most racially discrimantory people on earth, yet my aunt has kids by 3 different black men (please note that I am not being racial by saying this...just making the point of the oxymoron white trash racial aunt getting knocked up by three different black men). One kid grew up to be heavily addicted to drugs and hooks up with any white trash girl who doesn't mind the habit. Another one grew up to have 4 kids by a few different dads, but all dads were Mexican. The third kid moved away and lives on a military base in Missouri far away from the nonsense that happens here. I'm proud of that girl!

Within the past six months, I had an aunt who was murdered by her husband. She met her husband while the two of them were in a mental hospital. Everyone I've told about that says, "Rule #1: Never marry the man you meet in the psych ward." Oh...and just in case there is any confusion, they were both crazies on meds.

As a child, I heard stories of cops being called because my uncle was throwing bricks at my aunt's head again. But, according to him, it was self defense because she came after him with the butcher knife.

Need a little more comedy? Each description above is about different aunt's and uncle's. They are all brothers and sisters, but everything above is about a different person. I have three other uncles.

One is living in Georgia and he has made a very good life for himself. He was actually the one to show me that my life could be better than the mess I grew up around. His daughter graduated with honors a few years back and has a call of God on her life. I don't know what God has called her to, but I know that His Spirit is at work within her.

Two of my other uncles have already passed away. Uncle Albin (who is the only one I shall name) passed away when I was a child. He had some physical disabilities. He got to meet Kenny Rogers through the Make-A-Wish foundation and passed away not long after that.

Another uncle lived in the Marshall Islands (way out past Hawaii kinda near Japan). He claimed to be married to the king's daughter there, but I don't really know. He worked for the US Coast Guard and seemed to work a lot. This uncle had a HUGE crush on my mom and after my dad passed away, he tried to take her as his own wife. My mom wasn't having any of that though. Where he lived, he claimed it was the custom for the brother to take care of the widow.

So let me think, yeah, I think that covered all of them. My grandma had two girls and seven boys (if I remembered all of them). But anyway, the generational curses at work in the lives of my family members have been broken from me. I will not suffer the hurt and disappointment that these dummies have put up with. I cannot say the same for my sister. We started praying a couple of weeks ago that the chains of bondage and generational curses would fall off of her as God called her to His service. Since then, her world has been shaken. Please pray for her. That's all I can say. Thanks and seriously, I want to know why on earth God placed me in the family I'm in.

Old Timers

This post is something I've been thinking about writing for awhile, however I have not taken the time to form my thoughts and write them down. This is complete randomness and hopefully it makes sense. When I was a kid, I spent summers at my grandma and grandpa's house and was always amused at the sayings my grandma had. There are so many and I regret that I cannot remember them all, but here are a few. Feel free to add more clever sayins in the comments.

1. My grandma used to say "Crumb!" as we would say oops or uh-oh today. She would follow it by saying, "Got enough crumbs you can make a cake."

2. If we would walk on opposite sides of a pole, she had to shout out "bread and butter, bread and butter."

3. My grandpa would always refer to going home as, "heading westbound". No one talks like that any more.

4. When it rained, it was a "nice day for the ducks". Which is still true, just no one seems to see the bright side like that. And I always wondered...do ducks really like the rain?

Well, I must be off to the shower. I will have to think of more of these little sayings and post again later. Have a happy Friday!

Changing Back

Okay...I don't really like the way this blog is set up and since my company is relocating, there is not any harm in going back to my old blog.

Please update your blogrolls to: anemptyvessel.blogspot.com

Thanks and sorry for the change up. God gave me the name for that blog and a vision to always be empty of myself so that I can be continually filled with Him. I haven't felt like I could really pour myself on the ground in this blog. I'm going back.