HIV / AIDS

When I wrote my post about wanting to be a microbiologist, I wanted to squeeze some stuff in there about HIV and/or AIDS, but I didn't want to make the post go on forever. My husband started a conversation last night that caused me to do a little research on something I learned awhile ago.

I learned at the genetic conference that there are some people who are immune to the HIV disease. Their body cannot receive the virus. They studied these people (more than six years ago!) and found out what part of the cell takes in the virus. There is a receptor called CCR4. The study showed that people with a CCR4 deficiency were immune to the virus. They had developed a treatment that would be a series of shots in people with high risk for HIV. The shot would enter their body and teach the body to produce cells that are CCR4-deficient. CCR4 is the receptor that takes the HIV into the cell. The last thing I heard on this is that they had to figure out what CCR4 was responsible for so that they could know whether it had importance to the body or if they could just start giving shots to make people CCR4 deficient.

My husband opened my ming back to all this last night when he told me about a vaccine that scientists had developed that shows promise in preventing HIV. I got online last night and looked at one of my favorite web sites that I hadn't visited forever...just in case anyone ever thinks about going into biology, nursing or anything health related, remember this: OMIM. Do a search at google for it. The web site is a government web site that is one where I could just drool over all the information that is on there. This place is always up-to-date and it just blows my mind how much information one could find there.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I went to OMIM and they have found out what the CCR4 does. I searched for something about the CCR4 deficiency, but I couldn't find anything. There are other vaccines that are currently being tested in some of the major US cities and there are many more being tested internationally. I think scientists are well on their way to preventing HIV, but the question remains....how do people who are infected have a better quality of life?

My opinion: Don't screw around and this crap won't happen to you! If you get AIDS from sharing needles, then what the heck were you thinking doing the drugs in the first place?! If it happens through a blood transfusion, then I think you're lying because that just doesn't happen any more. That's my two cents...seriously, I have compassion for people, but when I was in high school, we had a teenage girl come to the school to speak to us. She was infected with HIV and someone asked her, since you have been infected, do you continue to have unprotected sex with uninfected people? She said she does it all the time! So then, the question was asked, doesn't it make you feel bad that you could infect others? She said that she tells them before hand that she is infected and that the person says it's ok. What a strange world we live in...

Clarification

Well, that last post started out very serious and then a got a wild hair and started joking.

The second parents I referred to are the ones who I spoke of going on vacation with, walking me down the aisle, etc. Their names are Scott and Becky.

Everything I said about Amy was joking. She really did say that, but we have the dumbest humor and that was humorous to us. Sorry if anyone thought I was being mean.

Back to Work I Go

Hi ho, hi ho, it's back to work I go...

I fear that this week may be a rough week. My job has a certain amount of work that must be done in one week, whether the week lasts three days or five. I am worn out from working at home so much, but I know that it is all worth it and the end is in site. I officially have three rooms unpacked (Shep's room, the kitchen and the bathroom). Jason told me last night that Comcast is coming to install the internet stuff on the 2nd, so that's my deadline to get the computer room cleaned up.

I have finally found a use for myspace. There was a guy that I was friends with in Japanese class in high school. I found out through myspace that he is in Alaska working with the Coast Guard. My senior class had the least team spirit of any class that ever graduated from Rushville. We were so mean to each other and no one really cared about anyone else...everyone was for themselves and they'd do anything to make life better for themselves.

My best friends decided they hated me when I told them Jason and I were getting married. I have seen one of them since graduation and she has been nice to me. Preparing for my wedding should have been one of the happiest times of my life...unfortunately, it's when my second parents decided to shun me and my best friends decided to hate me. Amy apologized to me a few weeks ago for being mean to me during this time. I know that Amy loves me and I love her...even if I'm not her favorite sister-in-law. I was her favorite for awhile, but when Jesse got married, she told me I just couldn't be her favorite any more. Do you know what she told me? I'm her third favorite. I come behind Cory's wife (just in case Cory ever gets married). It's ok...I've learned to live with it...**sniff, sniff**

We're In...

We officially live in our new house now. I can't wait to actually cook again. I am so tired of fast food. It's been like a month since I can remember having time to cook. Hopefully tonight I can get the kitchen unpacked and Jason will get our bedroom finished.

We have not purchased internet for our new house yet, but my laptop picks up a wireless signal all over the house. Jason is afraid to do bills on an open connection, so we will still be paying for it eventually.

I'm hoping to develope a new morning routine. I want to ride my bike, do my devotional, shower and (maybe) check out bloglines every morning. We'll see how it goes. I am looking forward to shedding a few pounds in this house. Shepard loves taking bike rides with me and I feel more safe now that we are in town. Last year, I was taking rides every day and losing weight...then I had an encounter with a windowless white van on a country road outside Morristown. I know that the Lord is with me and that He protects me, but I was terrified. I pedalled as fast as I could to get back to the edge of town where houses are. Luckily, an old man was riding his mower out of the garage, I pulled my bike over like I new the guy and the white van that had been following me for 1/2 mile finally went around. We were on a country road, so the guy could have passed me at any time. The Lord spared me. Riding in town should be a lot better.

My Life in Boxes

The good things about moving:

1. I found that Bon Jovi CD that I've been missing...
2. I get to play with tape...
3. It's a workout...

Ok...so that list should have ended with #1.

I have had a few inquiries about a house-warming party. I have never been to one, been invited to one, etc, so I don't really know what this means aside from inviting people to my house. Can someone please tell me how one goes about having a house-warming party? If we were to have one, should I fix dinner for everyone or have finger foods or something? Who should be invited, etc? As you can see, I know nothing. I think it would be fun to have people over in our new house, but I don't know the first thing about doing this. Any ideas or information would be appreciated. Thanks guys!

We Can Do It!

First a direct comment to Brenda: Just wait til you see how much we got done last night! We had a mission to complete nine tasks last night. Of all nine, the only oversight was that we forgot to clean the built-in in the computer room. You won't even recognize the house when you see it today.

I now have hope that if we could complete all that we did last night, then packing should be easy.

I had a really bad dream last night. There is one wall that I hope to paint, but it's not yet painted. I had a dream that my husband painted that wall with some of the blue left over from Shepard's room...eek. He better not!

I have been praying that God will give me dreams, that the enemy will not have any hold over my thoughts/dreams and that God will allow me to remember the dreams when I wake up. The other night, I didn't sleep well, because I was praying the whole night that God would give me a dream. I did end up having a dream, but it was really weird! I can try to explain it, but it won't make much sense.

I saw the black night sky all around. Then orange spots began popping up all over the black. The orange was kind-of eating at the black as the orange overtook the night sky. When the orange started popping out, I asked, what is this? I was told that the orange areas are the holes in the ozone and that they are continuing to grow. As the orange became more apparent and the black grew very weak, a bright white light busted through the "ozone". The white never stopped moving, but somehow it stayed just above the earth. The white was beautiful, but I can't really describe it. That was pretty much the end of the dream.

Not Much to Say

Shepard is growing so much. He likes to lay down in the bath tub now...it was a little scary at first, but he's a pretty smart kid (meaning, he accidentally stuck his face in the water and learned he better not do that again). He laid down in the bath tub yesterday before church. If he grows just a few more inches, he'll have to start bending his legs if he wants to lay down in the bathtub. But, that won't happen before we move.

I can't believe that we are moving the end of this week. It's really crazy. So much packing to do...so many carpets to clean. So little time. I am off work Friday. Hopefully this week Jason and I will be able to kick butt on the whole packing thing. I hope we can get everything moved Friday and have Saturday to clean the trailer, then Sunday/Monday to unpack and spend time with family.

Bob Preston was at Rushville yesterday. Bob and Mary Jane are such a blessing. His message was titled, "Really?". He would quote a scripture that we all know and believe and then ask, "really?". I will get the CD and listen to this one again. We had lunch with them and sat for a long time talking about Brazil. It is such a joy to hear about the call of God on his life. I am glad that the Lord has raised up a missionary from among us who we can support. Please pray for Bob and MJ as they follow God's leading to Londrina.

My Dreams for Life

In 2nd grade, I decided that I wanted to be a radiation therapist to help cancer patients get better. By fourth grade, I decided that I wanted to be an oncologist so that I could find the cure for cancer. Somewhere between 2nd and 12th grade, I decided I wanted to be the one to cure cancer. By my senior year, I knew that I didn't want to be an oncologist or a radiation therapist.

1 - While radiation therapists are caring and compassionate, they do not have a part in reaching the goal of curing cancer.

2 - An oncologist has to go to school for half a lifetime and they come out able to dianose and treat cancer, but they don't have a hand in curing cancer. Their goal is to cure the person.

I still dreamed of working with cancer, I just knew that these were not my only options. By the hand of God, I took AP Biology my senior year. I hated Biology when I had taken it my Sophomore year. This time it was a different teacher and a much better syllabus. We focused alot more on the animal side of biology than the plant side and I came out with a deep love for mitosis and meiosis. We spent a huge deal of time on cytology. We went to a genetics conference given by Sam Rhine who is a professor at IU. That day I fell in love with genetics. I learned about all kinds of amazing stuff! I have a deep passion for microbiology and I think my ultimate goal in life would be for me to be shut up in a lab somewhere playing with blood. I told God when I was a little kid that I was serious about wanting to work with cancer and I asked him if I could be the one to cure cancer. I got an answer, but it has been so long ago that I don't really know if it was the voice of God or me talking to myself. I'll have to ask Him again.

It takes about six years to complete a degree in microbiology. I've looked into it and I think that if it's worth going to school 2-4 years to get a degree in programming then it's definitel worth it to go six years to complete the dream I've had since I was teeny tiny. The only issue now is that that a) I don't have the time and b) I don't have the money.

I've shared this dream with like 3 people before today. Now I'm out here naked and unashamed before you all. Please don't shatter my dream. If you talk, please make it positive. There is the power of life and death in the tongue. Your words will accomplish that which they are set out to do. It's just a principle.

Restoration....cont'd

....Continued....

When I got finished rambling, but before popping the question, I asked him, "well, what do you think?" He told me that the reason I "thought" I wanted to marry Jason was so that I could fill the void in my heart that was left from my father's death. He said that as long as he had known me that I had always been searching for a father-figure. He told me that I was dating someone older, because I needed a husband who could also "father" me.

My heart was crushed. It hurt so much to hear the person I had looked at as a father to tell me that I was lost and wandering child looking for a father in this world. The only time I have ever harbored unforgiveness in my heart was against Scott and Becky.

I contacted them once after this incident. I called Becky and asked her if Scott had told her about our talk. She said he told her everything and that she agreed with what he told me. I didn't try to fight them on it. I just took my shattered heart and went back to loving the Lord and continued on the path I had chosen. I don't remember if I invited them to the wedding. Really, I don't think I did.

A few years ago, God started working on the whole unforgiveness thing. PBR came and did a few powerful meetings at our old building in Rushville. I think this was when Dhimitry and Muriel were here. Around that time, either PBR or Jason had preached about unforgiveness and that you if you had unforgiveness in your heart to call that person right away and talk it out. I wanted so bad to show up on Scott and Becky's doorstep, but I just couldn't face them. That same year, I got a Christmas card. It was too late in the year to send them one, so I waited until the next year. Last year, I sent them a Christmas card and got one back. Just a week ago, I got a graduation invitation to Lauren's open house. I won't be able to go to her open house, but I would love to. We are moving next weekend (the same time as the open house). My motivation for getting everything moved as quickly as possible is that maybe, just maybe, I can stop by the open house and congratulate them.

I know that all this probably sounds really silly, but these people were my family. I never really fit in with my own family and these guys took me in. Becky taught me about different cultures. She allowed me to help her in the kitchen. Things that my own mom couldn't do or didn't have time for. Scott and Becky made me feel like I mattered and that spurred me on to become a better person. I haven't even touched on the principles they taught me.

I have been praying and crying out to God for the past two months that He will draw them to our church. They don't have to make our church their home, but I just want them to come and see that my husband is a great man who loves the Lord and his wife and son. I want them to be a part of my life again. I know that it can't be how it used to be, but I would love to just be able to call them friends again. God's working it out. I will be patient and not try to do things outside of his timing. I have forgiven Scott for what he said. Actually, what he did was probably not much different than what my own dad would have done had he been living...not in the same words, but he would have still told me Jason was too old.

Restoring and Rebuilding

I'm not really sure where to begin...so I'll start at the beginning...

Scott filled the gap in my heart where my father once was. He treated me the same as his son and daughter. Becky filled the gaps where my own mother fell short. Being a single mom, my mom was very busy working and didn't always have time (and definitely not the money) to take me shopping and do girly things. Becky took me to get my hair done, we went shopping, and did girly things. Jay and Lauren were like having a little brother and sister, except that they adored me and I adored them. They took me on vacation with them every year as the babysitter. My payment was the joy of going on an adventure. I loved vacations with them.

The last vacation that I took with Scott and Becky was spring of '98 or '99. I had been coming to CFC long enough to have had my heart set on a guy. On my last vacation, I told Becky that I had found the man I wanted to marry. I told her all about him and how he really loved the Lord and all kinds of stuff. She tried to warn me that someone so much older than me would never pay attention to me and that he was just plain too old. I kept the advice in my ear, but continued along the path I had chosen. I think it was later that same year that Jason and I had our first date. We both knew that there was no point in going on a first date unless we were going to get married.

The next spring rolled around and I had lost contact with Scott and Becky. In some ways, I felt that I had been replaced with a young girl at their new church. I didn't press the whole vacation thing. It was something I looked forward to, but no big deal. I finally drove out to their house just to talk and let them know how serious I was about Jason. Becky wasn't home, so Scott and I sat out on the front porch. I unloaded my heart on him giving the background of my relationship with Jason and how I believed that he was the man for me. I was doing all this to show him that I was serious and that I had thought everything out. After I told him the whole background, I had planned to ask Scott the big question, "will you be the one to give me away when I walk down the aisle."

...to be continued... ha ha...what a cliffhanger

God Has Inclined to Me

I know that last week I was getting discouraged yet again. I knew that God had heard my prayers, but my feet were not immediately, miraculously transported to solid ground. Anyway, it has gotten better. Late Saturday night, Jason and I were laying in bed when I started having chest pains/shortness of breath. I told him about it and he kept talking as though it were nothing. I started crying, because it's been more than a year since I had pains that were this bad. Last year, I started having the chest pains more frequently and always felt like there was a weight on my chest. The dr ran tests, but stopped short of surgically implanting a wire on my heart that I would have worn for a week. He said we would only do that if the chest pains continued to worsen. I believed that since the dr didn't find anything in the other tests that I would trust the Lord for my healing. Saturday night, the chest pains weren't quite so bad as the fact that I could barely breath. I was gasping for breath and I got to the point where I could take air in. Jason made me sit up in bed and as he ran out to call 911, the Lord allowed me a breath. I still had a hard time breathing after that and I sat there scared and crying. I was too embarrassed for him to call 911, so I decided to calm down and breath slower. I was sitting there trying to calm down praying that God would help me when He healed me! :) He literally just all of a sudden let me breath. I know I sounded silly as every few seconds, I just looked and Jason and said, "I can BREATH! I can really breath! God healed me." Then the tears came back as I realized the awesome power and love of God that he had inclined His ear to me. The Lord liveth and blessed be my rock and let the God of my salvation be exalted!

That's just one of the things that makes me know that God has heard my cry. I've got more...like the other day, I shared about this whole forgiveness thing at my company. The Lord is on the throne. He is also in the midst of restoring a relationship that is very dear to me. I'll have to write about that later.

Where Have All the Bloggers Gone?

Come on people...you are disrupting my morning routine. Where have all the bloggers gone? I will excuse Lisa as she is preparing for D's graduation. I will excuse Amy, Susie and Joni because they have encouraged my morning routine (meaning, they give me something to read). For most of ya'll, where have you been? I know that PBR is busier than something about hanging paper (I prefer to say, as my Uncle Steve taught me, "he's busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest!") Ha ha...speaking of Uncle Steve, I really miss him. He moved away to TN and comes and goes before we have a chance to see him. I almost made my husband go to his parents at 9:30 p.m. the other night just so we could hang out with Uncle Steve for a few minutes.

Ok...so unlike all you weird people who keep chaning the subject in the middle of a post, I'm gonna end this one and start another one...Just had to get out a little frustration since my morning routine has been disrupted. Love ya!

Up, Up, and Away

The title of this post has some significance to my husband. For a little more than a week, he's been quite peppy as these words come out of his mouth.

Anyway, Friday work turned out to be the best day in a long time. My department (the billing team) had a meeting with our supervisor, her boss and the HR manager. We watched a video on harassment and gossip. Many of my team members vocalized their areas of concern. Some were refuted and some were plain silly, but nonetheless, it is out in the open now. I hope that my supervisor can see who the "trouble" employees are now. I was written up a few weeks ago for my negative attitude. The truth is that I was very down and negative at the time I was written up, but I was not showing that attitude at work and it was not affecting my productivity or the quality of my work.

Now, life is better. Anger was exposed, frustrations were dealt with, hurts are in the past...before leaving, the HR manager asked for a commitment from each of us. We are to forgive (though she didn't say that word) and forget the things which are in the past. Friday was a new day and Monday is a new week. We're all new with a wiped slate today. I don't care how seriously others in the department are going to take this. For me, this is my new beginning. I learned something about Christians in this meeting. Some people who I know to be Christians were not willing to forgive and forget and make the department better. What I learned about the non-affiliated was that they cannot comprehend the idea of letting go of bitterness and anger. They cannot accept forgiveness from their superiors and they choose not to forgive. Forgiveness is a character trait...do you feel that it is one of your greatest traits or one that needs worked on?

Just Hanging Out

I feel that I have been hung out to dry.

But I have been having some sobering thoughts. I don't know if they are thoughts from God, but the thoughts come more frequently as I work to stay in constant communion with God. The thought from the ride home yesterday, "Is all the crap that's happening to me at work a sign from God that I should leave, or is it the enemy working against me to keep me from doing the will of God in my workplace?"

This thought had such an impact on my thinking about my job. So, the whole way home last night, I asked God, "what's the plan? What in the world is going on in my life?" No answer. Don't you just love God? He has inclined His ear and heard my cry, but where's all this business about putting my feet on solid ground to stand? Right now, I feel blown about by the wind. I have no clue whether I'm in His will or out of His will. Perhaps, I should just stand. My prayer yesterday was that God would expedite His plan.

I know that You have this worked out, but please come quickly! How much longer must I suffer Lord? Send an angel, send Your Holy Spirit, just please protect me from my enemies. You know my heart and you know my joys. I pray that you would create the perfect position for me at my current place or wherever you want me. Thank you, Lord, for your mercies. Lord, make me have a good day today. Convict me if evil talk comes out of my mouth and convict my mind if I have negative thoughts. I pray that today will be my best day with you yet. Have Your way in me today, Lord, as I seek to become more like Your son.

The Windows Are Here

Sorry if you are tired of hearing about my house, but there's a lot going on with it right now. Today I get to drive the Hiccupp truck to work...it's sad that my husband didn't keep the hiccupp license plate. I told him that he could keep "HICCUPP" for his grandfather and that I could have "NICCUPP".

Anyway...We got the call last night that our windows have arrived. Can someone e-mail me today and tell me how many ounces is 1/2 cup so I can buy 1/2 cup of paint? My e-mail is niccupp@yahoo.com. Just put in the subject line the number of ounces. I can't read the message while I am at work, but Messenger will pop up telling me the name of the person sending the message and the subject line.

Well...God is tranforming people's lives everywhere. Bob Preston is a blessing, isn't he? I know that I will continue to hear stories of what God did in Knightstown last Sunday. The Lord is on the move. Don't hold back from Him. Just allow Him to reign in your life.

Oh, yesterday I got to listen to an old CD while I was working. It was "Well, Glory!" It had some good songs on it! My song for today, "You are Awesome in this Place". Ha ha...the whole idea of God being awesome in my workplace.

Lord, you can do it if you want to. I invite you to come and reign in my life and I beg you to set up your tabernacle right there in my cube at work. Please help me to be productive today. I pray that I will be able to get all my statements out on time and that you will help me with the recycles I have to do. I love you, Lord. Please continue the work that you are doing in my heart and if you can, please make it go a little faster. Thank you, Lord.

Recipe for Paint Finish

This is just for my reference. Feel free to use the recipe. I got it from the HGTV web site.

To mix paint and joint compound:

Use large container of joint compound (I think it's 5-gallons)
Add 1/2 cup of latex paint
Add 1 tablespoon of craft paint


My husband told me I couldn't mix it up like this because it would make the joint compound too wet and slippery. Sorry, honey, but I saw it on TV and I've loved it ever since. I amd going to do it like this because buying 1/2 cup or a full cup of paint is way cheaper than buying a gallon to paint over the joint compound. And who wants to apply joint compound in one step...let it dry for days, then come back and paint? Not me...I'm taking the easy way.

Much to Do

I'm leaning toward returning to school...here's why: During this time of working on our house, I have found that I have more time to do what I want to do than I had realized. Before I was just lazy. We have to be out of the trailer with one week left in May. We have absolutely nothing packed and a lot left to do at the new house. Today, my wonderful mom-in-law will be watching my little buddy while she paints the two living rooms. My husband will be digging outside. Oh, in case you hadn't heard, we have a terrible water leak. We called the plumber, he repaired the spot we had identified and now we're having trouble again. The plumber said he needs to replace the whole pipe and install a shut-off valve. Fun stuff! I hope to get my carpets cleaned soon. We were going to pay Stanley Steamer to do it, but we can't afford to pay someone to do this when we can do it ourselves. The kitchen is a mess. I need to get down there soon and texture the walls so we can paint them.

Open the Eyes of My Heart

My heart is longing for the presence of God. I had bad dreams all night Saturday. I feel like my life is being stripped away. I feel like God is trying to make me a new person, but I don't have a clue how He wants me to be. My heart cries out, "woe is me for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live in the midst of a nation of unclean lips." I feel like God is drawing me somewhere, but I don't know where.

I want to lay at the feet of the Lord and cast all my cares on Him. I want to lay my life before Him and allow Him to have His way in my life. I want Him to invade my dreams (please, give me good dreams) and show me what I should be doing.

Please give me wisdom for the future. I want to see You and I want to know Your will for me. Please help me focus on you today, Lord, and help my mind not to wander. I want to fall at your feet. I want to wash Your feet with my tears and hear you declare that I am healed and made whole. I want to hear Your voice. Please hear my cry and grant me the desires of my heart. I pray that you would make my heart burn with holy fear. I want to always know that you are with me and I want the filth of sin to repel me from it. Give me a magnetic heart...one that is drawn to you and that repels against sin. Lord, give me discernment to know when I am walking into a trap and give me the words to speak if I do get stuck. I call out to you for the soul's of the people I work with. I pray that I can be a light set on a hill that cannot be hidden. I thank you for the job that you have given me. I thank you for taking care of me and my family. Please help me today to be more like you.

Update on Custody Hearing

My sister's case has been continued. The judge awarded (temporarily) joint custody of their son. They think the judge has done this to see who is the more fit parent. When the case continues (probably in two or three months), they hope to get full custody. Thanks for the prayers. I really felt the Lord's hand all day long. Today was my most successful day of the experiment as of yet. It's funny how trials (pun intended) can force you into the arms of God.

My Sister...Cont'd

Of all the days to be in prayer for my sister, today's the day.

About the time that Jason and I were getting married, my sister was getting divorced. I won't go through all the details, but her ex-husband was emotionally abusive and violent. He drew his hand back to hit her once and she told him he better hit hard if he was going to hit her. He didn't do it, but after that she had a shattered heart and no where to go.

This is why she started using drugs. The song that comes to mind for her is "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you." My sister's life has been a broken road, but she has been led back to God. Now her testimony is more powerful and she can speak to the people in Rushville. (It's a small town...what's there to do other than drugs? I'm not joking. I am one of the exceptions of Rushville. I never drank, got high, partied, etc. But, almost everyone I knew did those things.)

Three years ago my sister came to church. Her life was a mess and she finally realized that since detox didn't help, only God could save her. She confessed everything to me and Jason. We prayed with her and the Lord delivered her. Soon after that, she met her Bryan. Things went very well for them and they decided to get married. Bryan has been a great balance for her. He keeps her safe and gives her a sense of security. They are great parents.

Today I will be testifying that my sister is a good parent and that her son should live with her. I pray that the Lord of Hosts would fill the court room with His presence. I pray that He would give me and Jason boldness to say the truth. I pray that the judge will see the anger and selfishness of my sister's ex. Bryce is really not safe at his dad's house. My sister will get custody of Bryce. I can't picture this happening any other way.

Mr. Laubach

Here are some excerpts from Mr. Laubach's journal (I am taking these from Max Lucado's book, "Just Like Jesus").

Here is a short bio as written by Max Lucado in his book Just Like Jesus:

Born in the United States in 1884, he was a missionary to the illiterate, teaching them to read so they could know the beauty of the Scriptures. What fascinates me about thi man, however, is not his teaching. I'm fascinated by his listening. Dissatisfied with his spritual life, at the age of forty-five Laubach resolved to live in "continuous inner conversation with God and in perfect responsiveness to His will."...as you read the passages, keep in mind that they were not penned by a monk in a monastery but by a busy, dedicated instructor. By the time he died in 1970, Laubach and his techniques of education were known on almost every continent. He was widely respected and widely traveled. The desire of his heart was not recognition, however, but unbroken communion with the Father.

Can we have that contact with God all the time? All the time awake, fall asleep in His arms, and awaken in His presence? Can we attain that? Can we do His will all the time? Can we think His thoughts all the time?...Can I bring the Lord back in my mind-flow every few seconds so that God shall always be in my mind? I choose to make the rest of my life an experiment in answering this question.

January 26, 1930: I am feeling God in each movement by an act of will-willing that He shall direct these fingers that now strike this typewriter-willing that He shall pour through my steps as I walk.

March 1, 1930: This sense of being led by an unseen hand which takes mine while another hand reaches ahead and prepares the way, grows upon me daily...sometimes it requires a long time early in the morning. I determine not to get out of bed until that mind set upon the Lord is settled.

April 18, 1930: I have tasted a thrill in fellowship with God which has made anything discordant with God disgusting. This afternoon the possession of God has caught me up with such sheer joy that I thought I never had known anything like it. God was so close and so amazingly lovely that I felt like melting all over with a strangeblissful contentment. Having had this experience, which comes to me now several times a week, the thrill of filth repels me, for I know its power to drag me from God. And after an hour of close friendship with God my soul feels clean, as new fallen snow.

May 14, 1930: Oh, this thing of keeping in constant touch with God, of making Him the object of my thought and the companion of my conversations, is the most amazing thing I ever ran across. It is working. I cannot do it even half of a day-not yet, but I believe I shall be doing it some day for the entire day. It is a matter of acquiring a new habit of thought.

May 24, 1930: This concentration upon God is strenuous, but everything else has ceased to be so. I think more clearly, I forget less frequently. Things which I did with a strain before, I now do easily and with no effort whatever. I worry about nothing, and lose no sleep. I walk on air a good part of the time. Even the mirror reveals a new light in my eyes and face. I no longer feel in a hurry about anything. Everything goes right. Each minute I meet calmly as thought i were not important. Nothing can go wrong except one thing. That is that God may slip from my mind.

This man has inspired me to try to have that constant communion with God. Is it possible? I'm willing to try.

Unkept Promises

Ok...well...

I am terrible at finishing the things I start. I still owe you all the continuation of the post on my sister and I also owe you a post about Mr. Laubach. I hope to do the Laubach thing in the morning...sorry for dropping the ball. :)

Day 6 of Experiment

Well...this experimental thing went very well the first day. I went into work determined to keep my mind on Jesus. I did very well throughout lunch and prayed the whole time to keep my tongue in check. I realized that the best thing about my job is that I can go into work, put on my headphones and tune out the world...just as long as I get my work done.

Last Wednesday night at prayer meeting, God warned me of danger with my friend at work. I had thoughts in the back of my mind about her, but I kept being friends with her because no one else was nice to her. It turns out that there really is a reason that no one gets along with her. Thursday at lunch, she stared me in the face as she told *name here* something that I had specifically said, "do not talk about this in front of *name here*." Then, in the same breath, without blinking, she said, "Sorry." All I can say is that God warned me. Thank you, Lord. I had a bad afternoon on Thursday because of that. But, now I know.

Friday was pretty good during the day, but I had a spiritual attack that night. If you think about it, please pray for me that God will renew my mind and wipe away some bad memories. Sometimes when these thoughts come, there is nothing I can do to fight it off. Jason prayed for me for awhile and it helped a lot.

Saturday/Sunday/Monday: I was working at the house these three days and wore myself out. No time for thinking much. Saturday night was fun at the Hawaiian/Asian women's thing. It was so much fun sitting around drinking Pina Colada's and being with other women. (Mary swears the drinks were virgin, but her mom didn't think so.) I guess we were a little too giddy. Sunday's service was good, but again, I worked at the house. I did get a little bit of a nap in before running to get groceries, so that's a plus. Yesterday I had the day off for a dr's appt in the afternoon. BC, Jason and I worked at the house. A little more scraping, a whole lot of painting and cleaning and we can move in. The end really is in sight!

Ta ta...I'm off to have a good day singing, I woke up this morning with my mind stayed on Jesus. Repeat that a few times and I think that's the whole song. Have a good day of Happy Thoughts!